i just realized. . .

Everything is making sense now. I just realized that that turning point in my life is really God's will. It's like everything is unfolding now. I believe that He gave me challenges I can overcome. That He has better plans for me. Maybe he was thinking that life with these people i'm with now is better than before. I trust His judgment. And I think He's right. As I assess myself, for the past 3 years i've been here, I feel happier. I feel safer. I feel a better person. That feeling of confidence and belief to myself, I think, is important for every person. For us to be able to face every challenge waiting ahead of us. And for us to grow in every aspect of a person. Good feeling inside will reflect on how we interact with others. That is also one thing. It is important for us to be socially inclined somehow. We cannot live alone, for no man is an island. Treating yourself well means you know how to treat others right as well. A good principle, indeed.

take me, i'll follow

Like that of the song, I want you to take me wherever you go.I want to be part of your world. Let me in because i want to see the things that you see. I would do those that you do. Learn things that you know. You must have been heaven sent. It must be you, whom God had given me. You came the right time so I believe it is you! This is why I'm not letting you go. WIll give you thousands of reason to stay with me forever. Try my best to make you happy and for the love to continue to blossom. Will just wait for the right time for us. I know you are worth the wait. Just promise you'll take care of my heart. That you'll keep me forever, for I am keeping you until we both shall live. Saying I love you is my way of keeping you. :)

xoxo,
A

the yellow light

I always say this and i won't get tired of telling you over and over again that communication really is one key to a relationship's success. Whenever, wherever or whatever you are doing, you'll be needing to communicate. To interact, to socialize, to catch up with an old friend, to solve distance problems of couples, to ease a grieving heart,to understand what has been misunderstood and even just to ride a public vehicle what we need is communication.

Lots of people are afraid to tell what they really feel. Maybe they just don't know how to say it, the approach and the right words to be used. Hard, indeed. But we have to face it. If we let things hanging for a long time, that might result to bigger and harder problem to solve. As early as possible, try to talk it over. Prepare yourself for every possible answers to your question. Anticipate worst cases, so even if it's that hurtful you'll have enough strength to face it. There will be high probability of making the right decision. It's because you've thought of it over and over again, which means, for the good of the many that choice has to be chosen.

This happens always, especially with couples. Problems, conflicts, misunderstandings, and even deception. Initially, we tend to overreact on things. We commit the mistakes we don't want to commit. We become impulsive, non-thinking creatures. But it's natural. You let your emotions flow, and released from its box inside you. But think of it, isn't it better for us to be relaxed at first. Be rational, and approach the matter at hand smoothly. Take it slowly. Be mature. Be extra careful of everything you want to do, for this will reflect your personality. This is your own way of saving yourself from, let's just say "embarrassment". Like that of the traffic light, it's not just green and red but there is yellow. In love, we do not always throw ourselves to every opportunity at hand. We also have to learn letting go and stopping. But before we achieve either way, we have to pass the center or the balancing part. We have to see things on both sides. That is possible through the yellow light. Make use of your yellow light. Have a yellow heart.

(picture grabbed from Y! images)

stonewalling or not?

(picture grabbed from yahoo images)


Things always have two sides, positive and negative. Everything on Earth has its consequences, whether it be good or bad. No matter how fair you play, there will always be these people who will pull you as hard as they can just for their satisfaction. Selfish, but it's the reality. We have to learn how to dance well, so as not to be stepped on the foot. Yes it will be hard, because you have to test the waters first before doing any act. You'll be stepped on and on and on. But as you go again and again, you'll learn how to dance it, the right way. You'll be able to guard yourself from the things that hinder you from developing. This is known as getting immune or getting used to these things. Once we learn how to dance with the right song, we'll have better ways to handle things. You'll learn how to use what you have, to do things right. You'll know how to balance your mind and emotions given certain situations. This way, life is easier. Life is happier. It is perfect. . . But. . . F*! this is ideal! In reality, it's hard to do things with balanced use of the mind and the heart. The greater the want you have inside your heart, the harder it is for you to rationalize. Absurd, but it's true. Even myself, I am guilty of being impulsive most of the times. There is this feeling of fear inside me that blocks my rationalization of knowing the real deal before acting on it. I am afraid of depression from any negative response. I am scared of letting go. I am used to having everything I wanted, whether it's instant or not. I get attached to things that i know will be mine sooner or later. I weigh things for a short while, and see if it will really become mine. And in cases things go the other way around, I tend to repel, immediately. Maybe it's my way of saving myself from too much hurt. Because i'm afraid of getting hurt. I know what I want and if I want something but I'm having troubles getting it, that's when I formulate. I formulate things in my head. Things that, I think, would help me stand up and move on from that unpleasant event. I won't let myself be drowned to negativity of life. It's not how I plan to spend my young age. I have lots of plan. Plan of enjoying every single moment of my life. So, for me to achieve that, I resort to stonewalling. I refuse to converse things out. I leave things hanging. I've been like this ever since. And it is just now that I realize that I have to be strong. If I really want to be happy then I must learn how to face everything. I must be strong enough to handle things in my life, whether they're good or bad. It would bring too much pain but I have to feel it, to learn. So that next time, I already know what to do. I will be prepared enough to face the "reality". Will now stop doing stonewalling, and learn to settle things that need to be settled.

love, indeed.

They say, what makes the world go 'round is love. Everything is about love. To our family, friends, neighbors, school mates, and especially to our significant others. But what would you give just just to please our loved ones? Will it be "whatever it takes"? . . . .

There are these people who become blind because of love. The concept of what is right or wrong is becoming vivid. They are losing their sense of self, most of the times. Impulsiveness. Pleasure. Mistakes. More Mistakes. Destruction. Frustration. Sickness. Even, Death. These are the results of too much use of the heart without considering what the mind says. The heart, which is placed below the mind and supposedly used secondarily after the latter, becomes superior. We tend to be confused because there are those who are telling us to follow our heart. But what if the heart is yearning too much for love? People would tend to forget what their mind is telling them. I just don't understand why this happens. But what I know is i love the feeling of being in-love and getting that love back. It would look selfish, but, it's life. That's how life works. You just have to know how to deal with it. Love freely and wisely. Just be prepared of the consequences. Pray, and you'd know what to do.

Pray a lot

It's hardly a week when I started feeling so paranoid. Then I thought, maybe I was forgetting something. And yes, I am. I forgot I have God with me all the time. It was just today that I realized that I really need to talk to Him. Talk to Him to ask for guidance and to ease my pains. Then, I prayed. The light mystery. I told Him everything. I told Him what I felt. Afterwards, after leaving the church I just felt that feeling of lightness. That feeling of lightness seemed to be my answered prayer. I've told Him everything that has been bothering me for the past few days. I believe that through that, I am letting Him control my life. That I am entrusting my life with Him. And I am happy with that. I've proven it again. Proven that prayer really is the best cure for everything. You might not be answered quickly but you'll see the results. You'll feel it. Before I went there, I was really confused. Even during my prayers, I was distracted. I hate myself for that. But I can say that I managed to collect myself. That I was able to regain my confidence because of the Lord. He is really the Light of the World. And I love Him for being that Light to everyone else. I trust Him. I trust Him that He won't let anything happen to me. That He has given me challenges, which He know I can handle. He is good all the time. So, in our everyday lives, don't forget to acknowledge our creator. He might have been hard sometimes, but just trust him. You'll be fine. We'll be fine. :)

define it for me

Everyone has fallen in love. Everyone has fallen out of love. But do we really know what love is? Do we really know the value of the word "love"? Will time really define love? Let's see.

Personally, I'm not sure if I've been in love. In love, in the sense of having a relationship with someone special. I've felt infatuations, in fact there's a lot. Sometimes I wonder why. Maybe my horoscope, Metal Horse, is a factor. The last time I checked, it was said in my horoscope that Horses are afraid of commitments. And so to scare Horses off, talk to them about commitments. I believe, that is somehow true. I have this feeling of "claustrophobia" if the idea of entering in a relationship comes my mind. Although before the year opens, I admit, I asked for it. I asked for a true relationship to come for me this year. To have someone as inspiration and motivation. It was actually surprising because as early as the first day of classes this year, I had what I asked for. Quite fast. Yet until now, there's no improvements. Actually, I like him already. But it looks like he doesn't like me anymore. Sad, but I do not know what to think anymore. It's as if he's already tired of telling me that he likes me and slowly retreating. Do you think that the fact that I have him in my mind everyday since day 1 shows that I love him? He's not my ideal guy, but he's really nice. Someone who's easy to be loved. Plus, I have this personality of feeling guilty whenever I make someone sad unintentionally. So, I give compromises for us to meet half-way. But why do I feel like it's me doing the courting. It's as if I am the one doing things to win his heart. So confusing. Yes, I like him already but something's holding me back. Maybe I am conservative that's why. It's just a month ago since we formally met. So what's your say on this? It will look like I am easy-to-get. But I am having problems already. As I said, it feels like he doesn't like me anymore. He once said that it's also tiring to ask and ask. But isn't patience the main point of courting? Because of this attitude he's showing, I'm already doubting his sincerity. All I want is for him to wait. Wait until I'm ready.

Oh well, maybe I'll pause first. Stop from expecting. I'll just wait for things to happen and hope for the best. :p Hope it works between us. I really want to try the feeling of "US". Will just hold on to prayers for now.

my come back after 4 months

happy new year! haha . whew! I didn't notice, it's already 4 months since I last visited my blog. well anyway, my day wasn't that good and so i need to release this feeling i am feeling for my own relief. :)

This is a good start for me this year. My prayers have been answered as early as this month. I am really not expecting this. So, it feels like a whirlwind. It's happening so fast. And because i am not used to it, i do not know how to handle it. I am not sure what to do with it. And so I asked lots of advice from my friends and family. Of course, i am not expecting a hundred percent collaboration of their advices. In fact, they're conflicting. Result: Confusion. Oops, i forgot to tell you what it is exactly about. hehe.. Well, it is about my love life. Unlike many girls of my age, this is something unique for me. Why? Maybe because i am not the kind of girl who enters and exits relationship twice or thrice a month. I mean, my routine in life doesn't include boys at all. Crush, yes. But working in a relationship, no. So there.

It actually happened this first school day this year. He's a typical jock. And at first, i didn't like him. He seemed boastful, he's loud, and doesn't have interests in studying. He is actually courting me until now. I'm not sure what will happen to us. But since it is God's answer to me, I believe it's my turn to do my part. He gave me the guy, I'll play it right. We are in the getting to know stage, and I can say that he is a good person. He is kind. He makes me laugh. He tells me things I want to hear. He does things I want him to do. At the same time, he does the opposite. Sometimes, it's annoying but, despite everything, I still like him. He might not be that intelligent, but he has certain personalities that makes him that unique and cute. :p. Do you know that he is that tall yet so emotional. Masyado siyang matampuhin. And I find it cute. I like it. He's not my type of guy because I am not a cheerleader. We know that athletes and cheerleaders are the ones compatible. Plus, they're the ones who share common interests. That's why I am having doubts. We have opposite interests. That's what's bothering me. I want this to work. And I want to make sure that if I decided to have a relationship with him, it will last. I don't want it to be like my past relationships. I don't want to rush. I don't want to be impulsive on this. That is why i am doing it slowly. I want to make sure that every step is right. That he's really true to me. And that he'll really treasure me. I don't want to be unfair so i'll make sure that my feelings are enough to hold our relationship. :) Everything is uncertain and so i am resorting to prayers every now and then. I hope everything's going to be a success. :)

I just remember, 1 more thing that's bothering me is time. I'm not sure what is right. Should I follow my heart even if it's just few weeks of courtship? I'm afraid others will judge me, us. I just really hope that he'll be patient enough to wait for me. I promise, it won't be that long. It's just a matter of waiting my heart to be in sync with his.