Things always have two sides, positive and negative. Everything on Earth has its consequences, whether it be good or bad. No matter how fair you play, there will always be these people who will pull you as hard as they can just for their satisfaction. Selfish, but it's the reality. We have to learn how to dance well, so as not to be stepped on the foot. Yes it will be hard, because you have to test the waters first before doing any act. You'll be stepped on and on and on. But as you go again and again, you'll learn how to dance it, the right way. You'll be able to guard yourself from the things that hinder you from developing. This is known as getting immune or getting used to these things. Once we learn how to dance with the right song, we'll have better ways to handle things. You'll learn how to use what you have, to do things right. You'll know how to balance your mind and emotions given certain situations. This way, life is easier. Life is happier. It is perfect. . . But. . . F*! this is ideal! In reality, it's hard to do things with balanced use of the mind and the heart. The greater the want you have inside your heart, the harder it is for you to rationalize. Absurd, but it's true. Even myself, I am guilty of being impulsive most of the times. There is this feeling of fear inside me that blocks my rationalization of knowing the real deal before acting on it. I am afraid of depression from any negative response. I am scared of letting go. I am used to having everything I wanted, whether it's instant or not. I get attached to things that i know will be mine sooner or later. I weigh things for a short while, and see if it will really become mine. And in cases things go the other way around, I tend to repel, immediately. Maybe it's my way of saving myself from too much hurt. Because i'm afraid of getting hurt. I know what I want and if I want something but I'm having troubles getting it, that's when I formulate. I formulate things in my head. Things that, I think, would help me stand up and move on from that unpleasant event. I won't let myself be drowned to negativity of life. It's not how I plan to spend my young age. I have lots of plan. Plan of enjoying every single moment of my life. So, for me to achieve that, I resort to stonewalling. I refuse to converse things out. I leave things hanging. I've been like this ever since. And it is just now that I realize that I have to be strong. If I really want to be happy then I must learn how to face everything. I must be strong enough to handle things in my life, whether they're good or bad. It would bring too much pain but I have to feel it, to learn. So that next time, I already know what to do. I will be prepared enough to face the "reality". Will now stop doing stonewalling, and learn to settle things that need to be settled.
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