define it for me

Everyone has fallen in love. Everyone has fallen out of love. But do we really know what love is? Do we really know the value of the word "love"? Will time really define love? Let's see.

Personally, I'm not sure if I've been in love. In love, in the sense of having a relationship with someone special. I've felt infatuations, in fact there's a lot. Sometimes I wonder why. Maybe my horoscope, Metal Horse, is a factor. The last time I checked, it was said in my horoscope that Horses are afraid of commitments. And so to scare Horses off, talk to them about commitments. I believe, that is somehow true. I have this feeling of "claustrophobia" if the idea of entering in a relationship comes my mind. Although before the year opens, I admit, I asked for it. I asked for a true relationship to come for me this year. To have someone as inspiration and motivation. It was actually surprising because as early as the first day of classes this year, I had what I asked for. Quite fast. Yet until now, there's no improvements. Actually, I like him already. But it looks like he doesn't like me anymore. Sad, but I do not know what to think anymore. It's as if he's already tired of telling me that he likes me and slowly retreating. Do you think that the fact that I have him in my mind everyday since day 1 shows that I love him? He's not my ideal guy, but he's really nice. Someone who's easy to be loved. Plus, I have this personality of feeling guilty whenever I make someone sad unintentionally. So, I give compromises for us to meet half-way. But why do I feel like it's me doing the courting. It's as if I am the one doing things to win his heart. So confusing. Yes, I like him already but something's holding me back. Maybe I am conservative that's why. It's just a month ago since we formally met. So what's your say on this? It will look like I am easy-to-get. But I am having problems already. As I said, it feels like he doesn't like me anymore. He once said that it's also tiring to ask and ask. But isn't patience the main point of courting? Because of this attitude he's showing, I'm already doubting his sincerity. All I want is for him to wait. Wait until I'm ready.

Oh well, maybe I'll pause first. Stop from expecting. I'll just wait for things to happen and hope for the best. :p Hope it works between us. I really want to try the feeling of "US". Will just hold on to prayers for now.