define it for me

Everyone has fallen in love. Everyone has fallen out of love. But do we really know what love is? Do we really know the value of the word "love"? Will time really define love? Let's see.

Personally, I'm not sure if I've been in love. In love, in the sense of having a relationship with someone special. I've felt infatuations, in fact there's a lot. Sometimes I wonder why. Maybe my horoscope, Metal Horse, is a factor. The last time I checked, it was said in my horoscope that Horses are afraid of commitments. And so to scare Horses off, talk to them about commitments. I believe, that is somehow true. I have this feeling of "claustrophobia" if the idea of entering in a relationship comes my mind. Although before the year opens, I admit, I asked for it. I asked for a true relationship to come for me this year. To have someone as inspiration and motivation. It was actually surprising because as early as the first day of classes this year, I had what I asked for. Quite fast. Yet until now, there's no improvements. Actually, I like him already. But it looks like he doesn't like me anymore. Sad, but I do not know what to think anymore. It's as if he's already tired of telling me that he likes me and slowly retreating. Do you think that the fact that I have him in my mind everyday since day 1 shows that I love him? He's not my ideal guy, but he's really nice. Someone who's easy to be loved. Plus, I have this personality of feeling guilty whenever I make someone sad unintentionally. So, I give compromises for us to meet half-way. But why do I feel like it's me doing the courting. It's as if I am the one doing things to win his heart. So confusing. Yes, I like him already but something's holding me back. Maybe I am conservative that's why. It's just a month ago since we formally met. So what's your say on this? It will look like I am easy-to-get. But I am having problems already. As I said, it feels like he doesn't like me anymore. He once said that it's also tiring to ask and ask. But isn't patience the main point of courting? Because of this attitude he's showing, I'm already doubting his sincerity. All I want is for him to wait. Wait until I'm ready.

Oh well, maybe I'll pause first. Stop from expecting. I'll just wait for things to happen and hope for the best. :p Hope it works between us. I really want to try the feeling of "US". Will just hold on to prayers for now.

my come back after 4 months

happy new year! haha . whew! I didn't notice, it's already 4 months since I last visited my blog. well anyway, my day wasn't that good and so i need to release this feeling i am feeling for my own relief. :)

This is a good start for me this year. My prayers have been answered as early as this month. I am really not expecting this. So, it feels like a whirlwind. It's happening so fast. And because i am not used to it, i do not know how to handle it. I am not sure what to do with it. And so I asked lots of advice from my friends and family. Of course, i am not expecting a hundred percent collaboration of their advices. In fact, they're conflicting. Result: Confusion. Oops, i forgot to tell you what it is exactly about. hehe.. Well, it is about my love life. Unlike many girls of my age, this is something unique for me. Why? Maybe because i am not the kind of girl who enters and exits relationship twice or thrice a month. I mean, my routine in life doesn't include boys at all. Crush, yes. But working in a relationship, no. So there.

It actually happened this first school day this year. He's a typical jock. And at first, i didn't like him. He seemed boastful, he's loud, and doesn't have interests in studying. He is actually courting me until now. I'm not sure what will happen to us. But since it is God's answer to me, I believe it's my turn to do my part. He gave me the guy, I'll play it right. We are in the getting to know stage, and I can say that he is a good person. He is kind. He makes me laugh. He tells me things I want to hear. He does things I want him to do. At the same time, he does the opposite. Sometimes, it's annoying but, despite everything, I still like him. He might not be that intelligent, but he has certain personalities that makes him that unique and cute. :p. Do you know that he is that tall yet so emotional. Masyado siyang matampuhin. And I find it cute. I like it. He's not my type of guy because I am not a cheerleader. We know that athletes and cheerleaders are the ones compatible. Plus, they're the ones who share common interests. That's why I am having doubts. We have opposite interests. That's what's bothering me. I want this to work. And I want to make sure that if I decided to have a relationship with him, it will last. I don't want it to be like my past relationships. I don't want to rush. I don't want to be impulsive on this. That is why i am doing it slowly. I want to make sure that every step is right. That he's really true to me. And that he'll really treasure me. I don't want to be unfair so i'll make sure that my feelings are enough to hold our relationship. :) Everything is uncertain and so i am resorting to prayers every now and then. I hope everything's going to be a success. :)

I just remember, 1 more thing that's bothering me is time. I'm not sure what is right. Should I follow my heart even if it's just few weeks of courtship? I'm afraid others will judge me, us. I just really hope that he'll be patient enough to wait for me. I promise, it won't be that long. It's just a matter of waiting my heart to be in sync with his.